how to cope with anything

rest now, it is over

i can no longer feel helpless, for if i am helpless than what was he ? were his last breaths filled with exuberance or gasps of pain ? a creature so small with a heart so big, he did not deserve to suffer. i know that if he had not come to me, his life would have been a few weeks shorter.. and herein lies the root of all my guilt. i do not know if his time with me was happy. and i do not know if my disappearance caused him to die of a broken heart. there is always something different to be done in hindsight, but i can't see. "regret is for those who have earned the right to look back on the past. all i have is shame."

a millenium later

destiny can be cruel and confusing. i suppose some of us are meant to be great. so the rest, mediocre ? or is it just that we fell off our preordained path. what makes one great anyway ? will we always be judged by how much money we have ? is that truly what successful means ? the lower class works hard too. with little gain. why must they stand beside the pedastal and watch others rewarded for "greatness." i despise this reality. i say the greatest of us are those who have found peace and happiness. screw money, politics and whatever else society deems important. i think i was born in the wrong era.

a road, a story

the sky was dark. the road was becomming more narrow. the path ahead seemed foggy and bleak. the canteen was almost empty. thirst was taking over. only two outcomes were possible. death or be saved.

the walk became a crawl. sustenance was all but gone. when all the light was gone, it became useless to open one's eyes. there was no hope, no future. the path was just rocks and dirt. no longer having a form. no longer a reason.

rolling over on one's back, a new revelation was realized. the light was not all gone, for the stars still illuminated the night. without a path to follow, the midnight glow was reason enough to open one's eyes.

wandering, lost, lacking hope and direction. just enough energy for a few more breaths. and then it happened. a hand reached out, giving a reason to stand up and walk again. a voice whispered, "you can do this."

suddenly all feeling rushed back. emotions took shape. desire fueled the journey. it was not over yet. for once the end of the path is reached, he will be there.

a morkie and a yorkie

a life abused and then forgotten. fallen into my hands. the burden i anticipated soon lifted by feelings of love and sympathy. and now i wonder which furball is more of a hassle. he knew within the first hour that i was his new mama. i do feel the princess misses having 100% attention, but i know she has accepted him as little brother. its true you can't save every creature in need. but what is the point of living a life devoted only to yourself. i am not the mother i would have been today. but if i was, i might not have these lives to care for. some see the life of a small creature as expendable as spare change. but i owe these creatures as much as they owe me. i will love them forever.

the itinerary

who decides that karma thing anyway. whats a fair loss to obtain something of value. what could i give to get the one thing i desire most. if we spend a whole lifetime giving, what then could be a justified reward. aren't we all martyrs if we don't obtain our goal in the end. is life really designed to be constant work with little gain, or is that just a moral forced on us by society. society being just a formal word for humankind's failure to evolve and prosper. society can dictate what it wants but i will let fate decide where i end up. the cruelest world always has a greener pasture. one ticket please.

an alchemist's notes

a ball of energy. all we are or ever will be. if energy really has a true source.. is it not from the soul that inhabits this vessel ? when the vessel dies and disintigrates.. where then do our souls go ? it seems that life is not defined by birth and death, but by a cycle of transfering energies. i wonder what memories the soul carries remnants of.. is there an eternity's worth of consciousness buried within us ? can we carry on the fragments of memories nearly lost ? or is it just like a feeling of deja vu. a glimpse at our eternal memories, loves, and feelings before they simply fade away. but love, true love, undying love, does not fade or wither. it stays a part of the soul like the sand on the beach. if all we are is energy, or stardust, or a blessing from heaven.. i still believe my soul is eternally a part of his. a fuzzy memory but a love that will never die..